Lie to Me
by DJ Clawson
Summary: Lupin wakes up on a very weird side of the bed one morning. Slash, LupinZenigata. Complete.
1. The Predicament

Lie To Me

By DJ Clawson

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

Rating: R for some cursing and about the most off-camera sex I could manage.

* * *

Chapter 1 - The Predicament 

Nice, France. It was one of Lupin's favorite places in the world. He liked spending time there, especially when he wasn't high up on the hot list over at the local law enforcement. As far as he knew, nobody in particular was on his trial here at the moment – except Zenigata, of course. But that didn't change with his location. There was only so much breathing space he could get in each place before Interpol's craziest inspector put in an appearance.

What a great city. Beautiful scenery, great food, great wine. These were the finer things in life, or so he tried to convince his partners. Maybe a little Fujiko thrown in could make it perfect, but she was in Berlin somewhere, hitting it off with the local eligible bachelors and he was left to stew in his hotel room.

Speaking of hotel rooms, his was entirely too bright this morning. The walls were an annoying yellow and the drapes were a useless white, sending the morning sun right in uninvited. He cursed as he sat up, shielding his eyes with his hands, but that didn't even begin to help his headache.

There was a box of cigarettes on the dresser – Shinsei brand. He fumbled with the packaging before succeeding in lighting a cigarette. He didn't always smoke in the morning, but he was definitely going to make an exception today. If he wasn't careful, he would turn into Jigen – but he was going to be careful. He was not going to turn into a bitter, sexually-repressed chain smoker. He would probably have to cut back on his drinking a bit, but that was okay. It was getting into enough trouble as it was. There was an empty wine bottle on the dresser next to the pack of cigarettes, but that was not unexpected. He laid back down, leaning against the headboard.

Zenigata was still snoring next to him. Plus, his breath was terrible. The guy smelled like Jigen. Lupin supposed that was what stress and a lot of tar and nicotine did to a person.

His mind was still waking up, going over the simple stuff as he tried - and failed - to blow smoke rings. What day it was. What time it was. Where his partners were. He didn't know the answers to any of those questions, but that was fine. He was on vacation anyway.

Holy crap, he was hallucinating. He was really seeing things. He was as crazy as everyone said he was. Maybe the jackets were some kind of warning sign. There was no way – in _hell_ – that Zenigata was really sleeping next to him. He was still asleep. He hoped he wasn't smoking in his sleep.

Lupin put his hand out and touched Zenigata's shoulder, and the inspector mumbled something and rolled over.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. This was not okay. The ramifications were staggering, and 'ramifications' was a much too large a word for so early in the morning.

It wasn't actually that early in the morning. It was ten, much later than he was usually up if he was busy planning a heist, or even planning to hit the beach. All right, it was late. Fuck it, it was late, and he was half-naked in a bed next to Zenigata-Keibu. This was not cool. This was a terrible way to start the day. He needed another cigarette.

As he fumbled for one, he realized – it was Zenigata's favorite brand. These were Zenigata's cigarettes. He was smoking Zenigata's cigarettes. He spit his out and stuffed it in the used ashtray. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was going on?

He got up and went into the bathroom. He didn't quite feel sick enough to vomit, but he was definitely getting there. He leaned over and stared in the mirror. His eyes were a little bloodshot, and he was wearing his boxers and undershirt, but that was it.

He peaked into the bedroom. Shit, Zenigata was still there. He was not sleeping or hallucinating. Lupin was awake enough now that his imagine had returned in full force. In fact, some of the memories were surfacing. He was depressed over Fujiko. He was drinking in a bar. Zenigata was chasing him. There was more to the story, but he didn't want to think about it.

_You idiot_, he thought. _A Lupin always has a way out. Now pull out the ace in your pocket or something_. There had to be a good way to handle this – he just had to use his brilliant mind to think of it. _Think, Lupin, think_.

While he was panicking, Zenigata was still sleeping. His clothing was spread across the floor of the bedroom. Christ, Lupin could remember how it got there. He could even remember, however reluctantly, how nice it had all felt – G-d, he couldn't think about that now. He had to him out of here, before his partners came in the room for any reason.

Holy shit, his partners. They were probably wondering where he was and why he wasn't up, if they didn't know already. He needed to get up, get dressed, and get Zenigata the hell out of his room.

_There's probably a more graceful way to do this..._ he thought as he shook the inspector awake. "Hey, Pops, wake up. No, seriously, wake up."

Zenigata rolled over, obviously barely awake enough to see Lupin's face. "Lupin!" It was his usual knee-jerk reaction.

"Pops, you gotta go," Lupin said, shoving the rest of his clothes in his arms. "Out the window. Now."

"What?" the inspector said with a yawn. He seemed a little confused by his surroundings and not nearly as panicked as Lupin.

"I'm really sorry to do this, but –" He shoved Zenigata's hat on his head and practically had to carry him to the fire escape out the window. "I – I'll call you, okay? We'll talk about it. I'll send you flowers. Just _go_."

Zenigata must have still been rather confused by being woken so quickly, because he went down the ladder and to the street with only minimal protest. It probably helped that the inspector seemed to have no idea as to where he was or what he was doing. Lupin even succeeded in getting him in a cab going elsewhere in a minimal amount of time.

When Zenigata was gone, he climbed back up the fire escape and into his room. There was still no noise from the common room, which he took to be a good sign as he hurriedly dressed. Maybe they were out. Maybe they were still asleep. Maybe they had never come home last night. Maybe they weren't on the other side of the door, quietly laughing their asses off.

And they weren't. Stepping into the common room, he found only silence. "Jigen? Goemon?" There was no burning cigarette in the ashtray, no indication that anyone had been around recently. "Hello?" Their rooms were empty. They didn't leave a note, but they never did. Jigen was probably shacked up somewhere, hung over and vomiting, and who knew what Goemon did in his spare time in France. He wasn't married to them or anything. He didn't look into their businesses and he hoped to G-d they didn't look into his. He cursed again, and sunk into the cheap hotel furniture.

Outside, Nice was calling to him, but he wasn't interested in answering.

* * *

"Hey Lupin," Jigen said from beneath the shade of the umbrella. "I like you and all, but if you're going to get this depressed every single time Fujiko ditches you, we might have to start taking separate vacations." 

"So sorry to harsh your buzz," Lupin said, though he hadn't meant to make it sound malicious. He stole another swig of Goemon's sake. The ronin had gone surfing; he was surprisingly good at it.

Christ, he hadn't even thought of Fujiko. What the hell was he going to tell Fujiko? If he was going to tell her anything at all. She would probably have a good laugh at him about it. And it wasn't like they were officially dating – so it wasn't like he was cheating on her, because if he was, then she was _certainly_ cheating on him. She didn't deserve to know. It was none of her business, he thought ruefully. Maybe he shouldn't be taking his anger and confusion out on Fujiko, but at the moment she was his best target.

"You know, I might have better things to do than watch you sulk."

"Yeah, right. Will you stop making fun of me if I buy you a nice big book of crosswords?"

"At least I'm having fun," Jigen said, folding his paper over and handing to Lupin. "Here. Something to get your mind off the bitch."

Lupin had no good reason not to look at it. It was the international edition of an Italian paper, open to the local news about a gallery. "Famous photographer Ansel Adams' original negatives on display for a short time, on loan from the Art Institute of Chicago. Feeling homesick?"

"Nah, I just already own enough diamonds for this lifetime."

"Jigen, I am very disappointed in you," Lupin said. "There's no such thing as too many diamonds." He raised his hand. "And if you're going to make a misogynist comment comparing me to a woman, just forget it."

"I'm just sayin' –"

"Yeah, well, don't say." Lupin put the paper down. "Okay, I'm in."

"Great. You want to break it to the surfer samurai?"

* * *

Jigen's plan was actually brilliant, in terms of getting Lupin's mind off of his failed attempts at relationships. What relationship was the problem exactly, the gunman probably didn't know, and Lupin had no intention of enlightening them. He didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it. Still, there were long segments of the drive south were silence reigned and his mind began to wander. 

_Think of the heist ... think of the heist. Don't think about the great time you had with Zenigata - There, you just did. You suck_. Actually, he didn't have a lot of specific memories to dwell on. It was all still sort of a blur to him, the details lost behind a mental fuzz. How drunken clubbing and the usual cat-and-mouse had turned into – whatever it had turned into.

Maybe Zenigata remembered. Maybe Lupin shouldn't have blown him off and practically pushed him out of a window. That probably wasn't the right thing to do – it just had seemed so logical at the time. Then again, a vase of flowers arriving on Zenigata's desk at Interpol would probably just get him riled up.

"Hey, boss," Jigen said suddenly. "Eyes on the road."

He shifted back into the correct lane. If anyone else in the car had further comment, they held it back.

* * *

Everything about the heist was going great. The security wasn't that impressive, and all of the information they had on guard shifts turned out to be correct. The window wasn't that hard to bust, the alarms were easy to bypass, and they were walking out with something other than jewels for a change – making Fujiko that less likely to swipe their stash afterwards. 

Except, they weren't walking out alone. A horde of police cars had snuck up while they were inside and had surrounded the gallery. "You know the drill," he said to his partners, and they were off in opposite directions. Lupin leapt onto the squad car and over the officers, hopping straight into the window of a nearby apartment complex. He went crashing into somebody's pile of laundry. "_Scusilo_," he said to a shocked housewife as he crossed the apartment and opened the window on the other side of the building. He jumped right out the window and into the alleyway, expensive and irreplaceable film negatives under his arm. He was even almost to the manhole when he was pulled back into a squad car by a cuff around his arm.

"Lupin!"

"Zenigata," he sighed. "How did you even get down here in time?"

"Years of detective work, Lupin. Honing my skills. Years." Zenigata shut the door to the car and grabbed his radio. "All officers report to my patrol car, one block down from the gallery." He put the radio back in its cradle. He even kicked up his feet in his usual overconfident, gloating manner.

The squad car was suddenly very quiet and stuffy.

"So," Lupin said as he slipped casually out of the cuffs. "This is awkward."

"You're still going to jail, Lupin."

"I've been in jail. It leads something to be desired." He checked the car door, but of course it was locked. "Sorry for kicking you out of my hotel room."

"Do you really feel sorry or are you just saying that? Because I don't think I can really believe a word you say."

"Pops - when have I ever lied to you?"

"You tied me to a charging bull!"

"That's totally different from lying to you. Completely different set of crimes. Now, I will admit that I lie to my partners all the time and my relationship with Fujiko is built on a giant string of lies, but when have I _ever_ lied to _you_?" He paused. "Okay, _other _than when I was in disguise. That doesn't count."

"That's the difference between you and me," Zenigata said, crossing his arms. "I don't have a long criminal history that calls my character into question."

There was silence again. Where the hell were those policemen?

"I meant what I said," Lupin finally had the courage to say. "I'm sorry for freaking out the other morning. I just sort of worked myself up about it."

"What the hell else were you gonna do? Take me out for breakfast? Make me pancakes? Be serious for once for your life," Zenigata said. "I know – you could have given me a ride to Interpol. Then they could have fired me right on the spot! It would have been great!"

Lupin held is smarmy retort in check, choosing a softer one. "You can't honestly tell me Interpol has some kind of policy about this."

"It doesn't matter." Zenigata sunk lower into his seat. "It never happened."

"If that's how you want to be, sure. It never happened." Because it had never happened. They had never had sex and were just going to move on with their lives. Just as soon as he was done kissing him. Because that felt great, kissing Zenigata. Sure his breath was terrible but Lupin was perfectly willing too overlook a few things.

"If we get caught –"

"Our reputations are ruined. But you know, reputations aren't everything."

"This coming from a Lupin," Zenigata smirked.

Outside, it had started to rain. There were some scattered noises of traffic, but the patrol car was tucked away deep in the alley and it wasn't disturbed.

"You want a cigarette?" Zenigata said as they re-buttoned their clothing.

"I suppose it is traditional." He accepted the cigarette and a light from Zenigata. He noticed the inspector's hands were shaking. "So what do we do now?"

"Not this again." But he didn't sound like believed it. "I'm gonna get in so much trouble."

"That is one incompetent police force, if they couldn't find us here." Lupin picked up the radio. "What a minute – this thing has no batteries!"

"Heh," Zenigata said with a smirk.

To be continued...


	2. The Trade

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

* * *

Chapter 2 - The Trade

"That took forever."

Lupin responded by tossing the package on the sofa next to Jigen. "Yeah, well, I didn't see you guys helping out."

"The very definition of diversion – "

"Goemon," Lupin said, "I'm just messing you. You know that, right?" He wasn't satisfied until he saw the samurai crack a smile. "All right. Do we want to divvy up the negatives now or are we going try and sell them and split the money?"

"I'm neutral," Jigen said, behind the smoke. "What were you thinking?"

Not about the heist, that was for sure. "I think it would be a crime if these negatives didn't eventually make it back to the museum. So I'm in favor of selling them off and seeing they go back."

"Your nobility is only flawed by your logic," Goemon said.

"Jeez." Lupin put his hand on his head. "Why do I put up with you guys again?"

* * *

After kicking around Italy looking for a buyer, they eventually made their way back up towards the border. The negatives were just too hot to move, and the temperature was also getting there, so they were largely stuck in the Parisian summer. Fujiko had yet to appear to steal their haul, which everyone was grateful for, Lupin definitely more than usual.

Laying low meant a lot of sleeping on the couch for Jigen, a lot of meditating and cutting up trees for Goemon, and Lupin's usual barroom antics and cruising. He liked to think he knew every café and disco in Paris.

Right now he was just looking for one. The police had their tips and he had his. He stepped over the velvet rope segmenting the café from the street and into a seat.

Zenigata lowered his paper. "You just walked right up to me. Are you really Lupin?"

"Only if you're not going to arrest me," Lupin said with a smile, taking the liberty of drinking the rest of Zenigata's coffee. "But I have a feeling you're not."

"Do you even know how much that coffee cost? Half my travel budget, you little bastard!"

"And it's not even good coffee." He put the cup down. "So – what are you doing here?"

"You're the one who crashed my breakfast and drank it."

Lupin said more seriously, "You know what I mean."

Zenigata put up a brave front, but it slowly eroded and he was sobbing in his hands. Lupin had to nervously pat on the back. This wasn't the first time he'd seen Zenigata in tears, but it was usually over missing Lupin, not catching him. "What am I gonna tell my superiors?"

"What am I going to tell my partners? Oh, that's right, nothing," Lupin said in the most assuring manner possible. "Because it's none of anybody else's business."

"Oh yeah?" Zenigata said beneath his hands. "What about Fujiko?"

All right, he didn't have an answer to that quite yet, but he wasn't about to let him know it. "You make it sound like we're married. Er – I mean, me and Fujiko." He tried to wave it off. "She's off in Germany with some rich guy, probably giving him a run for his money."

"So?" Zenigata sniffed. "You love her."

He couldn't contradict it, and that was the problem. "Look – I don't know about Fujiko right now. But there's more than enough Lupin to go around is all I'm saying."

Zenigata balled his hands up into fists, looking like he was slowly building rage towards and explosion. "I am not a too-bit hussy!"

"Pops – "

"And don't call me that! I don't need to be reminded of how old I am." He slammed the coffee cup on the table, nearly shattering it into pieces. "I refuse to speak evil of a woman, so I'll just leave it at that - "

"Sorry. Zenigata – "

"If that's all I am to you, then forget it! I will not be one of your traveling posse of whores!" He picked up the glass of water and splashed it in Lupin's face. "Go to hell!"

"That could have gone better," Lupin said as he wiped the liquid from his eyes. When he opened them again, Zenigata had already left the café. "Zenigata! Wait!" It was a while before he caught up with him, and he was nearly out of breath from the process. "Wait. I'm sorry."

Zenigata crossed his arms indignantly. "I can't believe anything you say."

"When have I ever lied to you?" Lupin decided not to give him the chance to answer this time. "Look, I really am sorry. If you want," he said, and sighed, "I'll dump Fujiko."

"What? You love her!"

"I'm willing to trade one thing for another," he managed to say.

Zenigata paused. "I mean that much to you?"

"Of course," he said at last. There was Fujiko complicating everything, but he didn't want to think about her at the moment.

Zenigata was still cautious when he answered, "...All right. But you really don't think anyone's gonna find out."

"I don't know about the future," Lupin answered honestly. "But for now – no. I don't think so."

* * *

"We should take a vacation. Maybe go the Caribbean," Lupin said happily. He was stretched out on the couch of his hotel. It was now the next day, and he had made sure to put everything in order with his outfit before finally reappearing for his partners. Jigen was drinking in the armchair. "The negatives are too hot right now anyway."

"Whatever you say, boss." Jigen uncrossed his legs and flipped the paper. Goemon was polishing his sword. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Trying to forget about Fujiko, if it makes you feel any better." He strongly believed that a small truth was better than an outright lie. Besides, they had been with him long enough that they could fill in the blanks from there. "Where's the stash?"

"Keep your pants on. It's in the safe." Jigen gestured sideways.

"Fine." Lupin yawned. "I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me if you smell bacon."

"For real or is that a euphemism?"

"Either one." He was, now he thought about it, sort of hungry, but there wasn't any food in the room. He only got as far as the door when Goemon slid in front of him, blocking the entrance to his room. "Hey."

"Lupin," Jigen said from behind him. He was probably still sitting in the chair. "Where have you been?"

"Who are you, my parents? Jeez." He had kind of hoped he would make it longer than this. "If you want to listen to the graphic details, then you guys seriously need lives."

"Lupin," Goemon insisted. "While we don't need the specifics of whatever ... social like you may have, you should be advised to account for your whereabouts after you left the hotel yesterday."

"Jigen, help me," Lupin said, spinning around. "Goemon's gone completely 5-O on me."

But the gunman crossed his arms.

"What is this? Is this about the negatives? Do you really think I would make a deal without you guys?" He looked back and forth at them. "Okay, what?" Still nothing. "Did you guys follow me?"

"You have to admit," Jigen said, taking a puff of smoke, "you have been acting kinda strange."

"That's no reason to put a tail on me!" he shouted. "What if I had been with Fujiko? Would you have video taped it and sold it on the internet or something?"

"If you would please remove your mind from the gutter for five minutes," Goemon insisted, pressing the handle of his blade into Lupin's stomach.

"Yeah," Jigen said. "We're trying to have an adult conversation here, believe it or not."

"What we're having is a paranoid conversation. I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"You don't _have _to," Goemon said, "but it is recommended."

Lupin huffed. "What crawled up your butt and died today, huh?"

"Zenigata."

Lupin nearly choked.

"We figure," Jigen said naturally, "that there's no way Zenigata would cut a deal with you for us. We're just little pond scum to him. So we want to know exactly what's going on."

He was now backed into a corner, facing a gun and a sword. "Guys, guys. It's nothing bad. But trust me, you don't want to know."

"Trust me, we do."

"Seriously, guys –" But his sentence was cut off as Jigen began to strangle him. "Okay ... I'm sleeping ... with ... Zenigata ... Now ... let ... me ... go!"

He was dropped where he stood. Jigen slumped back into his seat, disappearing behind his cigarette smoke. Goemon resheathed his blade. "... Well, then."

"See, I told you, you didn't want to know," Lupin said, rubbing his neck. "Just take my word for it next time. Jesus Christ."

"That does explain it," Jigen said with surprising comfort. "What the hell were you thinking? I mean, I'm usually no judge of your sex life, but friggin' Zenigata?"

"What are you talking about? All you do is judge my sex life! You're more obsessed with complaining about me getting tail than actually getting some yourself!"

"Hey man, I'm not on trial here."

"And neither am I. I'm the boss and I don't have to take shit about this," Lupin said viciously. He looked at Goemon, who had closed his eyes and turned silent. "What?

"I must admit I'm a little surprised by your ... choice of partners."

"C'mon Goemon," Jigen said. "It's not that surprising. Lupin'll screw anything with two legs. When I met him he was still obsessed with his first partner –"

"I was not obsessed!" Lupin insisted.

"Still," Jigen interrupted. "Zenigata. What the hell, man."

"It just happened. What do you want, the dirty details?" He looked at them. "Oh, now you're both prudes. Well, don't judge me. I know for a fact neither of you have been laid in two years."

"And right now, I'm pretty proud of that," Jigen said. "Goemon, you look a pale. Maybe you should sit down." He turned back to Lupin. "So do you have some kind of plan here? Or have you completely forgotten that this guy's been chasing us for _ten years_?"

"Hey, it's not like I'm handing him blueprints for our future heists. It's just sex."

"It's always 'just sex,'" Jigen accused. "You realize Fujiko's made off with half our loot by now? And now Zenigata's a whole 'nother ball of wax."

Goemon interjected, "Actually, this does improve our situation somewhat, assuming Zenigata isn't transferred."

"Huh?"

"Think about it," the ronin said. "Knowing how emotional the inspector can get, he'll probably be more reluctant to pursue us as a serious adversary."

"Thank you!" Lupin said. "I think."

"Huh." Jigen took a second to think it over. "All right. But Lupin, seriously – you'd better not fuck this up. No pun intended." He finished his cigarette, stabbing it into the ashtray. "Hey, speaking of Fujiko, you got a plan for that?"

"Yeah. It involves no one telling her."

"And for when she eventually finds out?" Goemon asked.

"I'm planning to wing it." Oh wait, that's how he got in this mess. "All right, I'll think of something." But he actually severely doubted it.


	3. The Girlfriend

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Please Note: I always assume in this story (and most of my other stories) that the Lupin gang and Zenigata are speaking Japanese to each other, and whatever is the local language to the locals, unless otherwise noted. I'm saying this because Zenigata's ability to speak other languages comes up at several points in the story.

Chapter 3 – The Girlfriend 

Jamaica. It was one of his favorite places in the world, and Lupin always tried to limit the amount of theft he performed there to an absolute minimal. Fortunately, the local corrupt businessmen that ran the hotels usually were the focus of the police force, not some passing thief, so he was largely in the clear. He could sit at a little lobster shanty on the beach without the notoriety he had in Osaka or Paris. Plus, there was all of that great weather and food. And babes – but he kept that reflex in check.

Goemon always attempted to interpret the pan-Asian menu in his own way and order something complicated, but usually gave up when the waitress became especially confused. "...Sushi platter," he grumbled, begrudgedly handing her the menu.

"Not every country knows how to pickle things," Jigen said with a sort of gloat behind his bottle of spiced rum.

"I think he really figured that out when he signed on," Lupin said. "He's just in denial. C'mon, pass the liquor." As he was handed the bottle, a handcuff appeared on his wrist. "Crap."

"Lupin!" Zenigata said as he appeared from apparently nowhere. He was wearing his normal outfit minus the heavy trench coat and blazer. The other cuff was on his own wrist.

Lupin didn't even get up. He didn't even sit up as his arm was dragged up. "We don't have to do this. They totally know."

"What?" Zenigata shrieked. How a middle-aged Japanese man's voice could go up so high was a mystery to everyone. "What the hell did you –"

"This one was not my fault," Lupin said, giving his partners the eye. "_Guys_."

"Hey man, if I knew you were you were going, I wouldn't have followed," Jigen said as coolly as he normally did.

Zenigata grumbled and pulled up a seat next to Lupin. "On principle I should arrest you. But you're just gonna get away."

"There's the positive attitude of Interpol's finest," Lupin said, raising his shot glass to him. "Have a drink, Zenigata. On me."

Jigen sighed. "If you start necking, we're out of here."

Lupin had to hold Zenigata back from decking his partner. "After all I put you through with Fujiko –"

"Speaking of Fujiko," Goemon said with customary calmness, "she arrived from Miami this morning."

Lupin spit out his drink.

"So should we start a timer?" Jigen said. "For how long you have to live?"

"Aw man, aw man," Lupin gulped. "All right. If everyone's cool about this, she doesn't have to find out."

"I give him three hours," Jigen said. "Depending on traffic."

"Two," Goemon said.

"These are your friends?" Zenigata asked.

"Yeah, I can't believe it either." Lupin put his head in his hands.

"Great." Zenigata peered over his shoulder. "Holy shit! It's that cop!"

"What cop?"

"Crap, Lupin, you have to hide me! She's supposed to be my liaison while I'm in Jamaica!" He pushed his hat down over his face. "It's the woman with the bright red shirt and the badge clipped her to her belt. I'm gonna lose my job!"

"Cool it," Lupin said. "Get under the table. We'll cover for you. Wait, did you say liaison?"

"Get your mind outta the gutter!" Zenigata demanded as Lupin shoved him down under the table.

"Be cool, old man," Lupin said. "And don't look at me like that. You are an old man. Now be quiet. She's coming right here." He looked up and smiled as naturally as possible as the black Jamaican woman approached him.

"Arséne Lupin III," she said, actually pronouncing his name right through the thick local accent. He was impressed – very few people could do that.

"That is the name my daddy gave me," he said. "Do you have a warrant for my arrest or are you just stopping in to introduce yourself?"

"I'm Officer Vasquez, and you're lucky Interpol personally isn't hear to arrest you."

"Yeah, funny that," Jigen muttered before Lupin gave him a look.

"If you try anything, Mr. Lupin, you'll find Jamaica a very unwelcoming place," she threatened. This cop was all business. She clearly wanted to cuff him but didn't have the clearance.

"Well, I'll have you know, I'm as much a tourist as any other visitor to your fine island," Lupin said very diplomatically. "So I'm sorry, but unless you want to stakeout my hotel and watch me eat lobster, you're better off chasing another thief."

She didn't seem like she believed him, but she was willing to accept it at this juncture. "I'm keeping my eye on you. And your partners."

"Duly noted," Lupin said, spearing his lobster. He waited until she was across the street and back in her squad car. "She's gone."

Zenigata got back into his chair. "What an uptight cop."

"And this is coming from you." Lupin said, but earned a stare from Zenigata. "What?"

* * *

Those warm Jamaican nights – he loved them. It seemed like the weather was never bad, the nights never too stuffy or too breezy. Lupin stepped out of the shower and back into the room, half-dressed and with a towel over his head. The television was on. "I know this movie. _Topkapi_. It's about a heist of some Ottoman dagger."

Zenigata's expression on the bed was one of intense concentration. "I can't understand a word they're saying. My English isn't good enough."

"There's a lot of strange accents in this one." Lupin frowned. "_I_ can barely follow what the blond chick is saying, and my English is just fine. They should have given her subtitles or something. But it's a good movie. You'd like it."

The inspector huffed. "What makes you think I would like the same movies as you?"

"Because," Lupin said as he sat down next to him, leaning against the headboard, "we're both obsessed with theft."

"Stop comparing us."

"Pops – "

"Don't call me that! I'm not your dad," Zenigata said.

"Well, what the hell else am I supposed to call you? Koichi?"

"No! The only people who call me that are my mother and my ex-wife."

"That's sad," Lupin mused. "Hey – you were married?"

"For eighteen years." Zenigata looked at him. "What? I had a normal life before you came along!"

"I didn't ask you to start chasing me!"

"I didn't ask you to be such an annoying little pest!"

"Can we please be together for ten minutes without one of us strangling each other?" Lupin said with a sigh.

"We have – "

"I mean ten minutes that don't involve sex."

"Oh," Zenigata said. "That's more difficult."

Lupin kissed him on the cheek and settled onto the pillow. The movie was still playing.

"What's the guy saying? The English guy?"

"He's trying to talk his way out a fine. Do you want to watch something else?"

"There's a bunch of other channels, but they're in French. And my French is worse than my English. My Korean is pretty good. Why don't you go rob something in Korea?"

"Zenigata, you're really so barely a cop right now."

"I will always be a cop, Lupin," Zenigata said seriously. "Not even you can change that."

"So if I robbed someone right now, you'd arrest me?"

"The cuffs are on the dresser, but don't ruin my vacation."

"I wasn't thinking of it," Lupin said. "And the cuffs are on the bedpost."

Zenigata looked over his shoulder. One handcuff was dangling from the pole. "Huh. So they are."

* * *

By the time Fujiko Mine arrived at the resort, it was already past ten. Tourists and vacationers were taking their last drinks on the patio next to the bar, which and ample view of the calming and beautiful Atlantic.

While some would dismiss Jigen as some kind of hard drinking gangster, Fujiko knew him better. She knew he liked drinking fine wines slowly, savoring their flavor for hours. In his hand was a wineglass probably containing the most expensive port on the island. "Hey," was his greeting, which was a lot for him, as she sat down next to him.

"So where is he?"

"Heh." He took another drag from his cigarette. "Wouldn't you like to know."

"We have business to discuss," she said very authoritatively. Her blouse was very low cut, but Jigen never gave her a second glance about it.

"Then you can catch him tomorrow, probably. Unless it's pressing."

"Maybe I just like his company."

"Yeah." He puffed a cloud of smoke. "Company."

"You know, for once I'd like to have a decent conversation with you." To this, he apparently had no response, so she continued. "So where is Lupin? I don't care of he's shacked up with someone."

"You don't."

"I don't." After all, this wouldn't be the first time she had walked – usually intentionally – in on him with some girl. She was past it.

He shrugged in his wicker seat. "Forget it."

"I know how to find him. I don't need you. But if you make my life easier I'll wait until he's finished."

He said nothing. She wasn't really expecting to get anything from Daisuke Jigen. The man was probably the most loyal person to Lupin on the planet. Still, it was always worth a try. "Fine. I'll go get him myself."

"Fujiko," he said suddenly as she stood up. "I really can't recommend this."

"What, I should just wait until he's available? I'm not some kind of lapdog like you are."

"Look - ," he said, suddenly sounding uncomfortable. "Just call him ahead and let him kick her out. Everyone will feel better and you'll be less of a nosey bitch."

"Why don't you do it, if you're so concerned about him?" she said, walking off in a huff. She would waste no more time with Jigen. She was a little more eager to see Lupin than she was willing to admit to herself or to him.

Lupin had his clever little list of nicknames and pseudonyms, and it was merely a matter of going down the list with the overly-helpful male concierge before she found one registered in the luxury suite. The room had keycard locks, which were easier enough to bypass with the right amount of machinery. But as the light turned green, the door pulled open seemingly on its own.

It was Lupin who had opened it. "Fujiko," he said in that sort of adorably hapless voice of his, but he didn't sound the least bit surprised. He was half-dressed in khakis and a dark blue shirt. Jigen had probably called him.

"Are you going to make me stand in the hallway all night or what?"

"Heh," he chuckled. "Fujiko – my darling - now is not a great time."

"So I gathered," she said, passing by him and into the living room of the suite. "I thought you'd be happier to see me."

"I heard you were in town," he said, changing the subject as she seated herself in one of the armchairs. "How was Berlin?"

"Same as ever. How was Rome?"

"Same as ever."

He wasn't usually this reserved around her, but that was all right. She'd practically caught him in the act. The door to the bedroom was closed; someone had probably been pushed out a window, knowing Lupin. "So I want in."

"If you're that hard up, I'll lend you some money so you can get your own room," he offered jokingly.

"Very funny, but I'm assuming you're not here for the scenery."

"Maybe I am. It's rather nice here."

She opened her purse and pulled out a brochure. It was for the Crystal Maiden, a cruise that would be briefly docking in Jamaica within the week. "My sources are as good as yours, Lupin."

He glanced at the brochure dismissively. He obviously didn't need to read it. "There's only one diamond. And it would be a crime to break it into pieces."

"And it's worth three million. I'll pay your share if you let me have it. Everybody wins."

"Except the people on that cruise."

"Well, yeah."

Lupin was probably considering it. He had probably considered it back when he had started planning this heist. He was intelligent enough to know she would show up and a part, but his face betrayed nothing. "Sixty-forty."

"Forget it!"

"Fine. Fifty-fifty, but you have to play a rather crucial role.'

"What, you think I'm not up for it?"

"Oi, Fujiko-chan, you know that's not what I meant," he said with the most devious smile he had in him. What was this? He was usually more apologetic. Maybe it was because he was already tuckered out for the night. "How about we discuss it tomorrow?"

"I come all the way from Germany and this is the thanks I get?" She asked because he was usually jumping all over her by now. Instead he was sitting calmly in the opposite seat, sipping a glass of bourbon. "Did your owners finally neuter you?"

"Does every business partnership involve this much abuse? Or are we just special?"

"Lupin, we're a lot more than a business partnership." She folded her arms, and caught him eyeing her chest. All right, so he hadn't joined the priesthood recently. "Or are we?"

He didn't answer her immediately – not in words, anyway. There was only so long her was going to hold out. That he had even made an effort was beyond exceptional. Something must have been really wrong with him, but it didn't seem polite to ask.

They moved to the bedroom. The sheets were crumpled up on the floor at the foot of the bed but neither of them minded. Lupin was the first one to come up for air, his expression pained.

"Fujiko," Lupin said suddenly with a heavy sigh. "I can't do this."

"What?"

"I – I promised someone I wouldn't do this." He picked himself up. "I'm sorry."

"Lupin, you have to be kidding," she said with disbelief. "I came all the way from Berlin."

"To get the diamond, yeah." He was rebuttoning his shirt.

"You have to be the dumbest man on earth," she said without hesitation, "to think this is only about diamonds."

He looked at her seriously, as if this was some sort of revelation. Sure, she had never admitted to actually caring about him, but she felt solidly that it had all been implied multiple times. For the first time, Lupin the Third actually looked like he didn't know what to do – and wasn't faking it. "I love you. I really do. I – I don't know how to express it. But I can't."

"There's someone else," she said. "That's fine. I thought we had the 'seeing other people' conversation."

"We didn't."

"Well you've been screwing around and I've been screwing around, if you want to be blunt about it. This has worked fine for years. So is it me, or what?"

He put his hand on his head. "No. No, it's not you. It's completely not you."

"If you want to rewrite the rules, you have to give me a little advanced warning," she demanded. "I think that's only fair."

From his expression, he seemed to agree with her. She had never seen him look so guilt-ridden. It was almost horrible to watch, even worse than going through the conversation altogether. "I'm sorry. Things have just gotten ... weird. Really fast. Probably too fast." He shook his head. "I don't know what I'm saying, exactly."

"You're not back together with Jigen again, are you?"

"I was never with Jigen," he corrected. "He's way too uptight about sex."

"It can't be Goemon. Goemon is totally straight. Hell, _I've_ screwed Goemon."

He looked at her, amazingly, with some relief. "I feel better about this now."

"You shouldn't feel better!" She hurled a pillow at him. "You're ditching me for who exactly?"

"I'm not _ditching you_."

"Then what exactly do you call it when you throw me out for someone else?"

Lupin collapsed in the chair by the bed, putting his head in his hands. He really _was_ broken up about this. "It's not like that. I mean, it's not supposed to be. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"You didn't really think this through, did you?"

"No," he said miserably. "I didn't think it through at all. And it probably won't even work out – but I have to keep my promise."

He was really tearing himself up over this. She was finding it harder and harder to be mad at him. "You really care about her. Him. Whoever."

"Whoever."

"How long has this been going on?"

"A couple weeks. It happened right after you left." He made some attempt to defend himself. "You weren't around. I was drunk. Things happened. And then, a bunch more times." He sighed again. "I'm in over my head with this one. I think I love him."

"Well, that's just great. I'm so happy for you," she said in her most deadpan voice. "I'm glad we had this little conversation. I love being dumped."

"Fujicakes – "

"Go to hell, Lupin." She left before he could stop her.


	4. The Complication

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

* * *

Chapter 4 – The Complication

"So did you tell her?"

"Let's just say she found out."

They didn't know Fujiko was there. Then again, she wasn't exactly making her presence known by hiding behind the potted plant. Fortunately, Jamaica had all kinds of wild bushes the size of a person, and Lupin was conspicuous enough to be sitting at a public café. He always did that, as if he was asking for trouble.

"Hey pal, I called you ahead."

"She didn't walk in on anything, if that's what you mean. But she found out."

Jigen put down his glass. "I'll just assume you handled this in the most asinine way possible."

"Thanks, buddy. It's good to know you have such confidence in me. You don't think I feel terrible enough as it is?"

"About dumping Fujiko? Seriously?"

"Jigen is right," Goemon offered. "The woman is nothing but trouble."

"Hell, I'd trade Fujiko for Zenigata any day. If we're talking in terms of unspoken fourth partners."

Lupin seemed annoyed by the idea. "First of all, Pops is hardly about to jump the law-abiding fence. Second, it'll be a cold day in hell before Fujiko totally gives up on that diamond."

"Kinda hard for you to tell her the plan if you guys aren't on speaking terms."

"She's probably pop back up when I've suffered enough. Or I go crawling back to her."

"But you're not gonna do that – right?"

There was some hesitation on Lupin's end. "I'm not really thinking long term right now."

"And that's been working out so well for you," Goemon said.

"Hey! Shut up!"

"Goemon's right," Jigen chimed in. "I hate to say it, Lupin, but you've got to get your love life straightened out - no pun intended. I mean, we need to know where we stand here."

"I know. Trust me guys, I know."

She had her own thoughts about this conversation, but she kept them to herself. She was like a cobra, and it wasn't yet time to strike. It was time to sit in the grass and be very, very, very angry that her longtime boyfriend had dumped her. At least until Lupin got up and left the table. Approaching him while his partners around just wasn't fair and it would probably get her something close to killed. She had no idea as to where he was going, but that was fine. If he was going to meet Zenigata, someone would just have to wait.

He noticed her at last at entrance to beach. "Hey ... Fujik –"

She smacked him across the face. "Zenigata?" Fujiko shrieked. "Fucking Zenigata?"

"Well, yes," he said haplessly. "I told you – I was drunk."

"That would explain like one time!"

"The second time he tricked me," he said. "The third time was really my fault though." He rubbed his cheek, which was now red.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. Of all the people in the world – it had to be Inspector Zenigata?"

"I was surprised as you were."

She hit him again. It was less satisfying this time.

"Please tell me you didn't do this to him," he mumbled.

"Are you kidding me? You think I would hit a cop?" she cried. "You - you're a horny little bastard that no woman in her right mind would sleep with, but he's a detective who's twice our age. Have a little respect, Lupin."

He shrugged. "I didn't know you felt that way about him."

"All right, I don't treat him that well, but he's still an authority figure. But I wouldn't _sleep_ with him. And I always though he was straight. He has a kid, you know."

"Freud said that everyone is naturally bi – Hey, did you say he has a kid?"

"Yeah, a daughter. For all the times you've impersonated him, you've never done research on this guy? I expected more from you," she said with a frown. "He has a daughter. She lives in Osaka, but he doesn't have custody. Something about being an absentee father."

Lupin looked genuinely surprised. "I didn't know that."

"Well, don't bring it up. He's probably very sensitive about it. On the other hand, Zenigata's sensitive about everything. Especially you."

"So you're giving me relationship advice now?"

"Don't get any funny ideas. I'm still pissed at you," she said. "It figures. The one man I actually give a damn about leaves me for someone else."

"Well – Hey, did you mean that?" Because he really didn't seem to know. "About caring about me?"

"Of course, you idiot. I mean, I _did_," she insisted. But when he looked at her with those desperate eyes of his, something in her melted. "All right, I do. I'll tell you what – sixty-forty."

"What?"

"My dating wisdom doesn't come cheap. And trust me, you need it. I want a bigger cut of the diamond heist." She continued before he could say anything, "Speaking of which, do you have some kind of plan you want to let me in on now? And what about Zenigata? What are you going to tell him?"

Lupin shrugged. "Nothing. He's a cop."

Fujiko rolled her eyes. "Now this is a situation where you might need a little advice."

He seemed relieved that they were no longer shouting at each other, or at least Fujiko not shouting at him. The beach was deserted at this hour, so they had it to themselves. "I'm not a teenager, you know."

"You sure act like one sometimes," she said, sitting in the chair next to him. "And don't give me that look. You know you do. But my point is, if you pull this heist, Zenigata won't exactly be thrilled."

"He shouldn't be surprised," he said. "I _am_ a thief."

"And he's a cop. So what's he supposed to do – go after you? You don't think sleeping with him complicates that? But I bet he's not willing to just resign." She watched his reaction. "So he's not willing to quit, and you're not willing to quit. Something has to give."

"You know, there's a difference between advice and judgment."

"No there isn't," she said. "Look, if he really means enough to you for you to make some attempt at monogamy, you owe it to him to _try_ to come up with something here."

"I guess you're right," Lupin said, but only very reluctantly. "Crap, I didn't know it was going to be this hard."

"Welcome to a relationship," she said in her most deadpan voice.

* * *

"So there's good news and bad news," Lupin said as he poured himself a drink from the minibar. He had a feeling he was going to need something good and strong. "The bad news is Fujiko found out – "

"WHAT?"

" – and the good news is that I think she's okay with it," he continued. "At least, she hasn't killed me yet."

"For a criminal, you sure aren't that good at keeping secrets," Zenigata said.

"Most criminals aren't. It's how they get caught. But hey, that list of 'people we never, ever want to find out' is that much shorter now."

"I'm so relieved." But it didn't sound like it was even remotely true. Zenigata disappeared in the bathroom, apparently to shave. Lupin sighed and laid down on the bed. This had been complicated back in Nice, and now it was basically a complete mess. Nothing he could say – no matter how clever – seemed to be able to talk him out of this one. He should have stopped it somewhere. He should stop it now, but he didn't want to.

He rolled over. The contents of Zenigata's pockets had been hastily emptied on the bed stand, including his import cigarettes and his wallet. Lupin picked it up.

"There had better still be twenty-two dollars in there when I get out," Zenigata called from the bathroom. It was uncanny.

"You're ruining all my fun," Lupin said, but he wasn't actually interested in Zenigata's literal pocket change. He flipped through the pictures, which included several of a little girl at various ages. He was transfixed by the smiling Japanese girl with bright eyes staring back at him, at least until Zenigata grabbed the wallet out of his hands furiously.

"Don't touch my stuff!" he growled.

"Relax. It's all there."

"My personal life is not your business!"

"Zenigata," Lupin said, "I _am_ your personal life."

"Don't remind me," Zenigata grumbled as he wiped the last of the shaving cream away with the towel.

"Your daughter's cute, by the way."

"Shut up!" Maybe Fujiko had been right – maybe this wasn't a good topic. "What she is or she isn't is none of your business. And how I would I know what she looks like, I haven't seen her in so long. Which is _your_ fault, by the way."

Lupin sensed this wasn't the time to contradict him. "I'm sorry. Jeez, I'm just apologizing all over the place today."

"And I thought you never owned up to anything."

"Why can't I be in relationships with normal people? Who compliment me?" Lupin said.

"On what, your taste in jackets?"

"Why is everyone always making fun of the jackets? There's nothing wrong with them. Don't you own a green trench coat?"

"It was a phase. I blame _you_ for that!"

"You blame me for _everything_. But I've brought so much good into your life. You got to see the world – "

" – running around like a maniac – '

" – became Interpol's most famous inspector – "

" – and a laughingstock of my department –"

" – and when was the last time you were laid?" He looked at his watch. "What's it been, like twenty – "

"My sex life is none of your business!" Zenigata shouted. "Oh wait – yes it is. Sorry."

Lupin rubbed his temples. "Yeah, I know. It's sort of hard to get used to."

"What are we doing, Lupin?" Zenigata took his place next to him in bed, wondering out loud.

"Other than the obvious? If I knew, I would tell you," was his answer. "Look, I'm having fun, and I assume you're having fun, and nobody's getting hurt. I mean, other than me, and Fujiko, and and quite possibly my partners." He sighed. "I forget where I was going with this."

"The point is, you never think about the consequences of anything you do," Zenigata mumbled.

"Please, let's not do this," Lupin said tiredly. "I've already gotten yelled at enough today. And hit. I'm exhausted."

"Should we really be spending the night together? What if somebody's keeping tabs on us?"

"Then they've already gotten an eyeful," Lupin said with a yawn. He rolled over, leaning on Zenigata's shoulder. "Stop worrying and go to sleep."

"Little brat."

"Love you, too," Lupin said, and closed his eyes.


	5. The Job

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

* * *

Chapter 5 - The Job 

When Inspector Zenigata finally rolled into the office, it was nearly eleven in the morning. Fortunately this was the Caribbean, so even the biggest and most serious police station was relatively laid back. The desk that had been reserved for him was basically a table in the corner where he had dropped all of the files he traveled with. He sat down at it, pulling up the folding chair, but his mind was elsewhere.

Not that he should have expected differently. All his files – well, almost all of his files – were on the man he had spent the night with. What the hell had he gotten himself into? Why wasn't the sensible side of him putting a stop to it? Probably because he was happier than he had been a long time, even with all of these crazy feelings running through his head. The whole situation was the very definition of "conflict of interest." Hadn't he taking an oath to pursue criminals until the ends of the earth – or something that effect? Sure, it had been a while, but he was still a cop, damnit! An incredibly conflicted cop, but a cop nonetheless. He was going to catch Lupin, and that little monster was going to be off the streets and in jail. So what if he gave exceptionally good he –

"Inspector." It was Officer Vasquez, the local cop. She definitely had no idea what train of thought she had derailed. It was probably for the best. "Have you located Lupin?"

_Have I ever_. "He hasn't made a move yet. He may just be here to lay low. Has he ever committed a crime in Jamaica?"

"No, but we only have three days until the cruise, and the attorney-general has already yelled at me about it. As if he's stolen it already."

"...Right." But he had no idea what she was talking about. "Can I see the information on the ... cruise, again?"

"I left it under your folder," she explained. Sure enough, there it was – the Crystal Princess, the only cruise with its own diamond exhibit. "It should be pulling into the docks around noon on Monday. I assume you'll want extra security –"

"Of course. Right." He was trying to think. Lupin hadn't said anything about Monday, but it wasn't like they compared their date books. But he thought Lupin was on vacation. He thought they had some kind of understanding. Sure, he liked the guy but – he was still a cop! "How long will it be here for?"

"Twenty-four hours. Since non-guests aren't allowed on the ship, I'm more worried about the staff. If he's going to slip in – "

He wasn't mad. He kept telling himself he wasn't. He should have seen this coming. The man was a thief. He stole things for a living. This was the definition of what he did. It was probably his whole reason for being – after all, if it was just about wealth, the rich little monkey would have stopped years ago. What the hell was Zenigata thinking, that Lupin would stop just for him? Still, it would have been nice. "Has he left a note?"

"No."

"He'll leave one then. Before the twenty-four hour point." He put on his hat. "I have to go."

"Inspector?"

"I have some leads to follow up on." He took the brochure with him. "I'll call later if I find something. _Or if Lupin's still alive._

He should go somewhere to calm down. It was the middle of the day, but this was Jamaica, so it wasn't all that difficult to get a drink. He pulled up at a dive bar and ordered scotch.

In college and his early days on the force he had dreamed traveling the word on all kinds of exotic cases, drinking fine liquor and eating unique food. Anything to escape urban Tokyo. Now here he was, middle-aged and sitting in a dump in a crappy little country, all alone after having fouled up the case he had devoted his life to. He couldn't keep chasing Lupin, not if he was going to seeing on the sly. And did he really think he wasn't going to get caught? Why couldn't he just walk away from this? Why did being with Lupin make him so happy? Obnoxious little fucker. Maybe it was all some horrible scheme. Maybe Lupin was laughing at him right now.

But Lupin probably wasn't. If he had dumped Fujiko – and he loved her, definitely – then he was serious about this. Apparently not as serious as he was about his career, but still, pretty serious. And besides, when was the last time Zenigata had someone told him he loved him? Even jokingly? He was so pathetic.

Only Lupin. It had to be Lupin, not someone more convenient – say, _anyone_ in the entire world _other_ than Lupin the Third. He had to fall for a thief – _the_ thief. He had done something horrible in a previous life, and this was his karma.

It was never going to work. He had said it over and over in his head, he had said it straight to Lupin's face, and he still didn't believe it. He didn't want it to happen. It was why he was tearing himself up inside instead of confronting and arresting Lupin, as he should have been. The guy was going to rob the cruise, he was sure of it. What was Zenigata supposed to do – just turn a blind eye? That wasn't how it was going to be. He wasn't going to let it be like that. He was a cop, G-ddamnit – he was Interpol. He was going to get his man. Besides, he knew where he was staying.

Lupin wasn't in his room precisely – he was smoking on the balcony. He had had the decency to get a room that wasn't connected to his partners' rooms. "Don't you ever do any work?" he said with a smile.

"Shut up." He shoved the flier in Lupin's arms.

"Oh man," Lupin said, rubbing his forehead. "I'm having the worst luck this week."

"So you were planning a job!"

"Look, Zenigata –"

"Don't Zenigata me!" he shouted. "I should arrest you right now!"

"You can't arrest me for intention to rob," he said, and it was true. "As I was going to say before you interrupted it, it might not be a good idea for us to 'bring out work home with us' if you want to put it that way. I mean, you want me to ask how things are going over at Interpol? They get any new information on me?"

"You know I can't do that. And even if I could, I wouldn't." He sighed, and collapsed in the chair next to Lupin. "What are we doing?"

"We keep asking that, but neither of us know the answer." Lupin looked out at the ocean. "I'd say it's just not going to work, but I really want it to work."

"I'm not going to just sit back and let you commit crimes, Lupin."

"I know," he replied sadly. "I know. But I'm not ready to retire yet."

So he had been thinking about it. Lupin had actually been thinking about it. For him. Still, that didn't make it all better. "If you steal that diamond, you're going to jail. And I'm going to drag you there myself. That's the way it has to be."

"All right," he said, putting his head in his hands. "All right, I have to think about it."

"I don't want to do this, but I can't help it. I'm a cop." He stood up. His handcuffs were hanging from his belt. He patted Lupin on the shoulder as he turned to leave.

Lupin didn't turn to watch him go. "I love you."

"I know."

"I don't want it to end like this."

"Neither do I." But that didn't change a thing. He left Lupin to his brooding.

* * *

"So." 

Lupin didn't respond to Jigen's demand for an answer – at least, not immediately. He played with his shot glass instead, watching the rum swirl around at the bottom.

"Lupin," Jigen said, more insistent now.

"I'll think of something."

"Yeah, that's great, but we're not here in Jamaica so you can improve your love life. We have a job to do."

"I told him this would happen," Fujiko said. "I called it."

"Not that you figured a way to get me _out_ of it," Lupin said with despair. "What about you, Goemon? How about one of those wise sayings about how I'm an idiot and I've fouled everything up?"

"I think your own words may be sufficient."

Lupin moaned.

"Look, Lupin, if you're gonna moan about the sorry state of your love life, that's all fine and good, but we're talking about a very complicated heist here. That we should be getting ready for. Because we are still doing this heist, right?" Lupin leaned over. "Right?"

"...Right," he said without enthusiasm.

"You're the go-man – we can't do it without you. You know that."

"I know. Look, guys, I'll be fine," he insisted, getting up from the table.

"I knew it," Fujiko said, apparently to his partners. "It couldn't work – he can't date the cop on his case."

He stopped in his tracks.

"Yeah, even for Lupin, it's pretty crazy," Jigen said. "Sorry, buddy."

He turned around. "Fujiko – I need a favor."

"I will not help you write an apology letter, so forget it."

But he was serious. He passed by Jigen and Goemon and whispered in Fujiko's ear. She turned her head to him in surprise. "That's a pretty big favor."

"There's my share of the heist in it for you," he said. "Fujicakes."

She bit her lip. And Fujiko so rarely looked like she was seriously considering something. "And your eternal gratitude?"

"Of course."

She hesitated before answering. It was perhaps the longest moment of his life. "I'll do it. But you're really going to owe me for this one."

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Anything for you. Except, you know, the obvious. Because if this works, I'm going to be a one man-man now."

"And if it doesn't, you'll be high and dry."

"Don't remind me."

Jigen turned to Goemon. "I don't even know what this is about, and I'm already worried."


	6. The Plan

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Note: This is not the last chapter. The next one is.

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

* * *

Chapter 6 – The Plan 

In the distance, flocks of tourists swarmed the massive wooden docks. The cruise ship had docked for the night and its passengers were enjoying the Jamaican nightlife. They were allowed off easily enough, but returning was more difficult. Security guards and police officers stood at the ramp, ready to check every passport and face.

Up on the massive ship itself, Zenigata stood on the bow, towering over the water. He had already seen the diamond exhibit, which seemed secured. He leaned on the railing, his eyes watching the flow of people up and down the ramp. It was still too hot to wear his trench coat, but cool enough for his brown suit. He was still a cop, and _Damnit_, he was going to dress like one. He had a job to do, even if it was breaking his heart.

Lupin was going to show. He knew Lupin was going to show. He had been on this chase long enough to feel like he could sense the thief's presence, but no one was sending up a warning flare on his officer radar. But Lupin was still going to show, and make him feel miserable for the stupid, stupid things he never should have done.

"Inspector," said officer Vasquez respectfully as she came up next to him. She was probably trying to get his attention, which was fairly hard to do.

"Officer." He gave a polite nod. "I haven't seen Lupin yet, but he'll definitely show."

"We're relying on your expertise to catch this man," she said.

He sighed.

"Something bothering you, Inspector?"

Zenigata turned to her. "Why are you so eager to catch Lupin?"

"Sir?"

"I just – usually don't get such enthusiastic partners."

"If you must know, these cruise lines are important to our island's economy. If ships refuse to dock here because of security, it could cause a lot of damage." She paused, "What about you? Why are you chasing Lupin?"

He put his head down, staring at the water. It was an inky black in the night. "I don't think I even know anymore." He stood up. "I'm gonna take another walk around the deck."

She didn't follow. He took a long walk around the edge of the ship. It took a good deal of time to get from the stern to the bow. It was devoid of people when Zenigata sat down on the bench at the very tip of the ship. Behind him was the steering and navigation cabin, and up on its roof was a lonely figure.

"Come down from there." But his voice lacked any serious determination. "And I'll arrest you."

"Not in this lifetime, _Tottsan_," was the reply. "Besides, I told you – I'm on vacation."

"Oh?" He looked back over his shoulder at him. "So what are you doing on the roof?"

"Maybe I just like the view." He kicked his feet up. "Say, Zenigata, have you ever heard of a lookie-loo?"

"A what?"

"Old robbery technique. The guards are distracted by some famous person and the thief nabs the target. It's brilliant in its simplicity." He got up. "Well, I'll see you around."

"Wait! Lupin – " But he was interrupted by the ringing of an alarm. Officer Vasquez and her security team were running up and down the deck.

"Inspector Zenigata!" she shouted over the din. "The diamond has been stolen!"

He looked up at the roof. Lupin was long gone. "Did he leave a note?"

She held it up. "_She_ left a note." He plucked it out of her hands. It was from Fujiko Mine, thanking the security guards for allowing her to steal the diamond. "We were off-target."

"But still in deep shit," he said, hiding all of his relief but none of this surprise.

* * *

"Sir, you have my personal apologies – " 

"I don't care about your apologies," barked the general. They were in cramped off, Zenigata and Vasquez in the chairs facing his desk, as he grilled them on their obvious failures. "Do you know what this is going to cost the Republic of Jamaica? Cruise lines will probably start charging us theft insurance! Do you think we're just made of money down here, because this is a resort island?"

"No, sir," he said meekly. He had been through enough talks like this to know when to roll with the punches.

"And let me get this straight – you weren't even looking for this, this," he checked his papers, "Fujiko Mine." He of course pronounced it 'Mine' instead of 'Meenay.'"You knew where she was and you didn't pursue her!"

"Sir, usually – "

"There is no excuse for this sheer laziness. Isn't she a wanted criminal? Isn't there half a million on her head in half the world?"

"Yes, sir. But – "

"But nothing!" He slammed his fists on the desk. "I got a call just this morning from the president himself, demanding that you put all of your energies in the Mine case."

"Meenay," he corrected quietly.

"I don't care! I've even taken the liberty of forwarding a letter to Interpol at the president's request. So we'll see what your superiors have to say about your performance." He turned to Vasquez, "You make sure that Mine is really gone before returning to your normal duties, you understand?"

And they both understood, perfectly.

* * *

The fax came in from Interpol in the late afternoon, as soon as his superiors in Japan got in for the morning. He'd been dismissed from the Lupin case before, but each time it was like someone had hurled a cannonball into his stomach, like he was some kind of circus performer. Maybe that's what they saw him as – some kind of entertaining monkey, like Lupin – if they were going to keep jerking him around like this. 

_Zenigata-Keibu-_

_You are hereby immediately transferred, as of noon JST –_

He didn't need to read any more. Fujiko was already checked out of her hotel, and knowing her, she was on another continent by now, almost twenty-four hours since the robbery. She wouldn't pawn the diamond – she was a collector, so it wouldn't be on any black markets anytime soon. Lupin would have pawned it, or given it to her in some kind of strange gesture of love, but this wasn't Lupin they were talking about.

He slumped further into the chair of his hotel room. It was really over, at least until he could convince the commissioner of otherwise. He couldn't imagine who they would put on the Lupin case now. Maybe it would be some fresh-faced new guy who would catch Lupin with a hand tied behind his back and put Zenigata's long record to shame. But then again, probably not.

"Don't look so sad. You're not the one who had to give up a diamond."

Zenigata looked up. Lupin was sitting on the railing of the balcony, perched there like a tropical bird. "What are you talking about? You got the diamond."

"_Fujiko_ got the diamond, in case you missed it. And honestly, I expect more from you than that." He was his usual clever self, but this time it just made Zenigata weary. Lupin hopped off the rail and picked up the fax paper crumpled on the desk, stretching it out a bit so he could read it. "Hey, they offer you a bonus at the end of this."

"They always do that. I always turn it down." He poured himself another drink. Fuck it, he took a swig right from the bottle. "I'm not going down that easy."

Lupin snapped his fingers. "Rats. And I had my heart set on -"

"Hey!"

"Calm down. You sound like you've been fired."

"I have been fired!" he cried. "The Lupin case is my life!"

"Well, do you want the Lupin case, or do you want me? Because while I hate to do this to you, it's gotta be one or the other. I tried at least to give you another option."

"You little –- ... Wait." He did some calculations. "You gave the heist to Fujiko?"

"And impersonated a Jamaican president. How's my accent, mon? Pretty good, no?"

"So does this mean you're retired now, or what?"

"Whether I am or I'm not is really none of your business," Lupin said, holding up the sheet in triumph. "I mean, you could arrest me for kicks, but that's not what they're paying you the big bucks for. And I don't like to see my tax dollars wasted."

"You pay taxes?"

"All right, my metaphorical tax dollars." Lupin rubbed his head. "Look, the point is, we both know you can't stay on my case if we stay together. It's too weird."

Zenigata nodded. "And a major conflict of interest."

"And we both want to stay together. Right?" Lupin moved up closer to him. So close, he could ... "So what do you say, Pops?"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay." Lupin let out a sigh. "Other than that, what do you say?"

Like he really had a choice. Well, he supposed he could go to his superiors and demand to be transferred back to the Lupin case, but wouldn't that just put them in the same catch-22? "What about Fujiko?"

"What about Fujiko? I dumped her and I think she's over it."

Lupin was practically on top of him. He couldn't take this. "You realize I'm going to try to put her in jail."

"I think she'll manage. She's learned from the best," Lupin said confidently. "Just don't fall in love with her. Because you're all mine."

Lupin really wasn't going to give up being a thief. It would be naïve to think otherwise. He would probably pull the same stupid stunts, and continue building whatever massive horde he was hiding somewhere. It meant things between them were still massively complicated, but when Lupin kissed him, it didn't really matter. Lupin would come up with a brilliant plan and it would all work out.

He was sure of it.


	7. The Gambler

Lie to Me

By DJ Clawson

Note: I will write a sequel if people express an interest.

Warning: This is slash. If you don't like, don't read. You were warned.

* * *

Epilogue – The Gambler 

Las Vegas, Nevada

Two Months Later

There were only three people at the blackjack table – two gamblers and one hanger-on. On the far right was a man in a bizarre jacket gambling at very high stakes and gambling well. The dealer had his own suspicions about card counting, but the gains were being offset by the losses of the next man, a Japanese man in a cheap suit who moved like a cop and was being instructed on gambling. Beside him was a Japanese girl, modestly dressed for a casino. She was obviously below 21 but not by much, and she wasn't gambling anyway, so security was reluctant to reject the high rolling posse. They were all bickering in Japanese, with smatters of English of varying abilities thrown in.

"All on red," said the officer.

"He means he wants a hit," said the other man, in perfect English.

The dealer refrained from comment and drew a card. "17 showing."

"He stays."

The officer made some kind of protest in his own language, but didn't call for another hit.

The dealer drew, and busted. "Dealer busts." The officer was bidding the minimum in this case, but his pot was doubled. "Shift change." He left them for another employee, maybe someone who could speak Japanese.

Back at the table, they were still talking to each other. "I only had seventeen. I thought I was supposed to have twenty-one."

"It doesn't matter," Lupin said with a sigh. Teaching Zenigata gambling was getting way too complicated. "The dealer was going to bust. She had a low card showing. Don't hit on a low card if you don't have to."

"I want to play Pai-Gow."

"No one knows Pai-Gow."

"I know it! I used to play it in college."

"I know Pai-Gow," his daughter offered.

"You're not playing!"

"Dad, I have a fake ID."

"Zenigata, please," Lupin said. "You can't take her to Vegas and not let her gamble a little. What is she, nineteen?"

"Twenty," Toshiko insisted.

"Why is everyone always against me?" Zenigata sighed. "Where did you get a fake ID?"

"Dad, I'm in college. They're practically handing them out."

"In my day ...," he grumbled.

Lupin patted him on the back. "In your day, the shogun was still in power. Oh, and I think the gambling age was much lower than it is now."

"What are we doing in Vegas?" Zenigata said, mainly to himself.

"It was that or Disneyland."

"And I _am_ twenty," Toshiko said. "And I wanted to see where _Ocean's Eleven_ took place."

"I hate to break it you, but that movie was not exactly a documentary," Lupin said.

"Are you saying that that's not how you would rob the vault at the Bellagio?"

"No. And the vault isn't at the Bellagio, it's at the MGM grand." Lupin got a look from Zenigata. "What? You like at me like I'm some kind of criminal."

"That's because I know that you are!"

"And you also know I never rob the same place twice. I'm telling you, Vegas is a done deal." He made a gesture with his hands. "If I want any more money from them, I'll take it the legal way."

"That's so comforting," Zenigata said as he was dealt another hand. He could easily just listen to all of Lupin's advice and double his money, but he wasn't about to give the little monkey the satisfaction of being right – about this. He had already been right about too many things lately. That Toshiko would even be willing to speak to her father after all these years. That she would be interesting on going on a trip during school vacation. That she probably liked traveling as much as she did. But - _Damnit_, he wasn't going to let Lupin know how much he appreciated it, not yet at least. The last thing he needed was an even more egomaniacal thief on this hands. Speaking of needs, he needed better cards. "I'm out."

"Tell me something I don't –"

"Be quiet! Why does everything have to be a double entendre with you? There are women present!"

"I have to hand it to your father, Toshiko," Lupin said. "He really respects women. Me, he wouldn't give the time of day –"

"Lupin – "

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Also, his primary form of expression is to shout my name at the top of his lungs."

"Yeah, I did notice that," Toshiko said. "Can I play a hand?"

"Toshiko –"

Lupin put a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon. Look how mature she's had to be through all of this. Let her have a little fun."

"You're a bad influence," he grumbled, and passed Toshiko his remaining chips.

"Thank you, daddy!" She kissed him on his cheek. Daddy – it had been a long time since she had called him that, far too long for him to admit to himself. And he had Lupin to thank for it.

But he wasn't going to let him know it – not until the time was right.

The End


End file.
